Requirement specification...

A Man to God

Man:"Give me a bag full of money, a job and a vehicle full of girls"

God replies:"Tataastu"
and then....

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Made him a bus conductor of
BEST, ladies special bus!

moral: Requirement specification should be CLEAR-CUT ........

Impossible WISHHHH...

A man was walking along a California beach when he stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it. Out popped a genie.

The genie said, "Okay, released me from the lamp, blah blah blah blah blah! This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three of them. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while. Finally, he said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much much steel! No. Think of another wish."

The man said okay and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women...know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment... know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'...know how to make them truly happy."


The genie said, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?"

The 4 Wives: Do read really a nice and learning story

There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He's very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.

He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.

Now, the merchant's 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!"

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.

The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.

Then a voice called out : "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have !"

Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives

a. The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.

b. Our 3rd wife ? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.

c. The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

d. The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material, wealth and sensual pleasure.


Bluetooth, named after the renowned Danish King, Harold Bluetooth, is a short-range wireless connectivity standard.

Bluetooth is capturing the minds of the present day technologists, as a technology enabler for the wireless unification of a wide variety of portable devices like mobile PCs, mobile phones and the like. It does away with the cables and enables voice and data transfer between the devices through wireless networks called piconets.

The primary segments identified for Bluetooth application are: Cellular & PCS Mobile Phones, Digital Cordless Phones, Data Access Points, PC Cards and Adapters , Notebook & Desktop PCs, Handheld PCs & Palm Companions / PDA s, Digital Still Cameras, Output Equipment, Automotive and Industrial & Medical applications.

The technology behind it:
Bluetooth is a Radio Frequency (RF) specification for short-range, point-to-multi-point voice and data transfer. An advantage of Bluetooth is it's similarity to many other specifications already deployed and it's borrowing of many a feature from these specifications. The 2.4GHz band is used by IEEE 802.11 to enable wireless LAN connectivity. Bluetooth borrows specifications to enable file sharing and data transfers between devices from IrDA (a wireless specification that uses InfraRed light to connect devices). HomeRF SWAP, a specification aimed at small network of devices for the home environment, is another source for Bluetooth.
It is omni-directional and has a present nominal link range of 10cm to 10m, which can be extended to 100m, with increased transmitting power. Bluetooth operates in the 2.4GHz Industrial-Scientific-Medical (ISM) Band and uses a Frequency Hop (FH) spread spectrum technology in which packets are transmitted in defined time slots on defined frequencies. A full duplex information interchange rate of upto 1Mbps may be achieved in which a Time-Division Duplex (TDD) scheme is used.

A Bluetooth System:
* A Radio Unit - consisting of a radio transceiver, which provides the radio, link between the Bluetooth devices.
* A Baseband Unit - a hardware consisting of flash memory and a CPU. This interfaces with the radio unit and the host device electronics.
* Link Management Software - a driver software or firmware which enables the application software to interface with the baseband unit.
* An Application Software - this implements the user interface and is the application that can run on wireless.

Merry Christmas SMS, Christmas SMS, Christmas Message, Christmas Text Message

Christmas may be many things
or it may be a few.
For you, the joy
is each new toy;
for me;
it’s watching U.


Two things upon this changing earth can neither change nor end; the splendor of Christ's humble birth, the love of friend for friend.


Ur friendship is a glowing ember through the yr n each december frm its warm n livin spark v kindle flame against da dark n with its shining radiance light our tree of faith on Christmas night.


May all the sweet magic
Of Christmas conspire
To gladden your hearts
And fill every desire.


Lets welcome the year which is fresh
Lets welcome the year which is fresh and new, Lets cherish each moment it beholds, Lets celebrate this blissful new year. Merry X-mas.


Can I have your picture, so Santa Claus knows exactly what to give me. Happy Christmas.


If one night a big fat man jumps in at your window, grabs you and puts you in a sack don't worry I told Santa I wanted you for CHRISTMAS.HAPPY CHRISTMAS


Have an ideal Christmas;
an occasion that is celebrated as a reflection of your values, desires, affections, traditions.


Heap on the wood!-the wind is chill; But let it whistle as it will, We'll keep our Christmas merry still.


Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.

Free Download Christmas Song, Christmas Ringtones, Christmas Tunes

The Twelve Days of Christmas (I)

The Twelve Days of Christmas (II)

Little Drummer Boy (I)

Little Drummer Boy (II)

Little Drummer Boy (III)

Oh Come Let Us Adore Him (I)

Oh Come Let Us Adore Him (II)

Fantasy on Silent Night

The First Noel (I)

The First Noel (II)

The First Noel (III)

The First Noel (IV)

Silent Night (V)

Silent Night (GM version)

Do You Hear What I Hear

JJ Jingle

Jolly Old Saint Nicholas

Joy To The World (I)

Joy To The World (II)

Joy To The World (III)

Joy To The World (IV)

Gloria in Excelsis Deo

Let It Snow (I)

Let It Snow (II)

Let It Snow (III)

Merry Little Christmas

It Came upon a Midnight Clear (I)

It Came upon a Midnight Clear (II)

It Came upon a Midnight Clear (III)

It Came upon a Midnight Clear (IV)

It Came upon a Midnight Clear(V)

Morning Has Broken


Nut Cracker (I)

Nut Cracker (II)

Nut Cracker (III)

Nut Cracker (IV)

Nut Cracker (V)

Nut Cracker (VI)

Nut Cracker (VII)

Nut Cracker (VIII)

Nut Cracker (IX)

Nut March

Nut Overture

Nut Fair

Nut Trip

Nuts for You


Nut Waltz

More Nuts

Oh Come All Ye Faithful

O Holy Night


Here Comes Santa Claus

Rudolf The Red Nose Reindeer (I)

Rudolf The Red Nose Reindeer (II)

Rudolf The Red Nose Reindeer (III)


Silent Night (I)

Silent Night (II)

Silent Night (III)

Silent Night (IV)

Silent Night (jazz version)

Silver Bells (I)

Silver Bells (II)

Silver Bells (III)

Sleigh (I)

Sleigh (II)

Sleigh (III)


Santa Claus Is Coming to Town

Up House

Wassail Song

Oh Little Child of Bethlehem

We Three Kings (I)

We Three Kings (II)

We Three Kings (III)

I´m Dreaming of a White Christmas

Winter Wonderland

Christmas Medley


Oh Christmas Tree

Adeste Fidelis

Angles We Have Heard on High

Angels Watching over Me


The Angels Sing

Away in the Manger (I)

Away in the Manger (II)

Away in the Manger (III)

Away in the Manger (IV)

I´ll Be Home for Christmas (I)

I´ll Be Home for Christmas (II)

Bel Carol (I)

Bel Carol (II)

Jingle Bells (GM version)

Oh Little Town Of Bethlehem (I)

Oh Little Town Of Bethlehem (II)

Oh Little Town of Bethlehem (III)

Oh Little Town of Bethlehem (IV)

Oh Little Town of Bethlehem (V)


Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire

A Child Is Born

A Chipmunk Christmas

Choir of Bells (I)

Choir of Bells (II)

Choir of Bells (III)

Deck the Halls (I)

Deck the Halls (II)

Deck the Halls (III)

Deck the Halls (IV)

Ding Dong! Merrily on High

Dreidel (I)

Dreidel (II)

Dreidel (III)

Frosty The Snowman (I)

Frosty The Snowman (II)

Frosty The Snowman (III)

Frosty The Snowman (IV)

God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman (I)

God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman (II)

God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman (III)

Grandma Got Ran over by a Reindeer (I)

Grandma Got Ran over by a Reindeer (II)

Grandma Got Ran over by a Reindeer (III)

Hard CND

Hark the Harold Angels Sing (I)

Hark the Harold Angels Sing (II)

Hark the Harold Angels Sing (III)

Hark the Harold Angels Sing (IV)


It´s a Holly Jolly Christmas (I)

It´s a Holly Jolly Christmas (II)

House Top

I Saw Mommy

It´s Beginning to Feel a Lot Like Christmas (I)

It´s Beginning to Feel a Lot Like Christmas (II)

It´s Beginning to Feel a Lot Like Christmas (III)

Jingle Bell Rock (I)

Jingle Bell Rock (II)

Jingle Bell Rock (III)

Jingle Bell Rock (IV)

Jingle Bell Rock (V)

Jingle Bells (I)

Jingle Bells (II)

Jingle Bells (III)

Jingle Bells (IV)

Jingle Bells (V)

Jingle Bells (VI)

Jingle Bells (VII)

Jingle Bells (VIII)

Christmas SMS, SMS, Christmas Wishes SMS

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.


Jingle bells Jingle bells what fun it is to wish our friends a very merry Christmas.


Bells are ringing the wishes of christmas day the flying snowflakes send my most sincere blessings to you merry christmas.


Faith makes all things possible,Hope makes all things work,Love makes all things beautiful,May you have all the three for this Christmas.


Somehow, not only for Christmas, But all the long year through, The joy that you give to others, Is the joy that comes back to you. And the more you spend in blessing, The poor and lonely and sad, The more of your heart's possessing, Returns to you glad.


Joy resounds in the hearts of those who believe in the miracle of Christmas!
Wishing you all the peace, joy, and love of the season! Season's Greetings!


There is no ideal Christmas; only the one Christmas you decide to make as a reflection of your values, desires, affections, traditions.


Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.


Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind; Teach us to be patient and always to be kind.


Don't expect too much of Christmas Day. You can't crowd into it any arrears of unselfishness and kindliness that may have accrued during the past twelve months.

SMS, Christmas SMS, Christmas Text Message, SMS

Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.


A Christmas candle is a lovely thing; It makes no noise at all, But softly gives itself away; While quite unselfish, it grows small.


Lets welcome the year which is fresh and new,Lets cherish each moment it beholds, Lets celebrate this blissful New year. Merry X-mas.


From Home to home, and heart to heart, from one place to another. The warmth and joy of Christmas, brings us closer to each other.


If one night a big fat man jumps in at your window grabs you and puts you in a sack don't worry I told Santa I wanted you for CHRISTMAS.


Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.


It was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, "God Bless Us, Every One!


If one night you wake up and a big fat male is trying to put you in a sack please don't be afraid because i told santa all i want for christmas is you.


A silent night, a star above, a blessed gift of hope and love. A blessed Christmas to you!


I hope you have a wonderful christmas . have a great new year ! Hopefully santa will be extra good to you . enjoy your holidays !

YouTube tackles bullying online

The first online anti-bullying channel has been launched to encourage young people to denounce the intimidation.

YouTube has set up a site where youngsters can post their own videos and messages.

It follows growing concern about the increase in persecution by e-mail, mobile phone and on social networking sites, known as cyberbullying.

The scheme is being launched at the start of anti-bullying week and is run jointly with charity Beatbullying.

The Beatbullying YouTube channel aims to revolutionise how young people access information on how to avoid being bullied and importantly on how to avoid being the person who does the intimidating.

It is the first anti-bullying partner channel on YouTube and aims to enable young people to post their own messages and videos as part of a wider campaign to stamp out the abuse.

We are very confident it will change people's lives
Emma-Jane Cross, Beatbullying chief executive

Beatbullying chief executive Emma-Jane Cross said: "We are very confident it will change people's lives.

"It's so easy for a young person to become a bully online. It is easier to do something online rather than to your face.

"But if you are being bullied tell someone because something can be done about it."

Celebrity endorsement

Patrick Walker, YouTube's director of video partnerships for Europe, said: "We're very pleased to help them make the most of the internet in their campaigning and hope the YouTube channel is a real help to young people, families and teachers."

The new channel will launch with a raft of celebrities' video messages.

Boyzone's Ronan Keating said: "If you wouldn't say it to someone's face, then don't post it online."

Girls Aloud said: "Happy slapping may be funny to you, until it is a member of your family sat at a bus stop being slapped."

Long-time Beatbullying supporters - actress Kym Ryder and the Gossip's Beth Ditto - also appear on the channel with young people from Beatbullying's prevention programmes.

They will give advice and demonstrate how the government's new peer mentoring schemes can beat the abusers.

These schemes, which the government last week pledged £3m for, will involve older pupils being trained to step in to resolve conflicts and help victims.

2-way mirror - Very Important! For ALL WOMEN, U R BEING WATCHED...

How to determine if a mirror is 2 way or not (Not a Joke!)?
Not to scare you, but to make sure that you aware. Many of the Hotels and
Textile showrooms cheat the customers this way & watch privately.

When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms, etc.,
How many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary mirror hanging on
the wall is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way mirror i.e., they can
see you, but you can't see them. There have been many cases of people
installing 2-way mirrors in female changing rooms or bathroom or bedrooms.
It is very difficult to positively identify the surface by just looking at
it. So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty what type of
mirror we are looking at?

Place the tip of your fingernail against the reflective surface and if
there is a GAP between your fingernail and the image of the nail,
then it is a GENUINE mirror.

However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your nail, then
BEWARE, IT IS A 2-WAY MIRROR!(There is someone seeing you from the
other side). So remember, every time you see a mirror, do the "fingernail
test." It doesn't cost you anything. It is simple to do.

This is a really good thing to do. The reason there is a gap on a real
mirror, is because the silver is on the back of the mir! ror UNDER the
Whereas with a two-way mirror, the silver is on the surface. Keep it in
mind! Make sure and check every time you enter in hotel rooms. May be
someone is making a film on you.

Ladies: Share this with your friends.
Men: Share this with your sisters, wife, daughters, friends, colleagues,
Pass this message to all Ur friends in the Contacts

The Indian hell...........

A man dies and goes to hell.

There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"

He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.

Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.

Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.

He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.

He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.

Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"

He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.

Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.

Then the Indian devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day.

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"


Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,

someone has stolen all the nails from the bed


the devil is a former Govt servant,

so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen!!!!! !

How to relax our Mind? Do read Worth Reading.

A mind filled with tension and unhappiness leads to negative thoughts. Such a mind creates problems to oneself and others.

In a contrast, a mind is relaxed and happy comes from positive thoughts. Transforming negative thoughts into positive thoughts is a hallmark of wisdom. It is well illustrated by Gautama Buddha, in an anecdote.

Once Buddha was addressing a large gathering of disciples. During the disclosure, one person, out of jealousy, abused Buddha. Buddha lovingly replied, “people are waiting to listen to my discourse in the neighbouring village; please do come tomorrow”.

The man was shocked. He asked Buddha, “Are you not hurt by my harsh words?” Buddha replied, “In order to hurt me, you should have met before my Enlightenment. Just as fire loses its potency when it comes into contact with water, your words, even though full of fury, lost their sharpness when they are hurled at me now”.

This is the positive thought centre one has to awaken. Before Buddha’s Enlightenment everything and everybody hurt him. But after he attained illumination the negative thought centre has changed completely. There is yet another story that inspires us into a different thought process.

Once a father felt disturbed when his son made noise. He thought of a method to calm his son. He tore a world map into pieces and asked his son to join them. To his surprise, the son came back with the world map neatly pasted, in a few minutes.

How did you this? Asked the father. The son replied, “Behind the world map, there was a picture of a man and I could join them easily.” Here the father, who was not aware of son’s potential, was finally led to discover it. It is an awakening for the father that he could channalise his son’s energy and intelligence for a positive cause.

Let us change ourselves. The world will change by itself. At the same time, let us not get lost in changing only ourselves and forget to include others in our growth. We live in an “I and you” world.

Think over on the following.

To a question, “Who is flying the kite”?

A boy replies, “I am flying the kite”.

The tail of the kite says, “I am flying the kite”.

The string says, “I am flying the kite”.

Voice of the lord said, “Oh! Children, we are flying the kite”.

Hence, the Vedic prayer says, “Let us all be Enlightened.”

We can relax in this world only when we teach our selves and others to strengthen our strengths and weaken our weakness.

Whatever be our weakness, if we identify it, the negative thought centre in us will lose its grip on us.

Life is both fair and unfair. Learn to be a good discoverer. Studies show that happy people are good discoverers and also have the courage to encounter unfairness.

Let our goodness come from our strengths, not from weakness.

Who is clever? Teacher or student? Really Funny !

One Night 4 College Students Were Playing Till Late Night

And Didn't Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day.

In the morning they thought of a plan.

They made themselves look as dirty and weird with grease and dirt.

They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night

and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car!

all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days.

They thanked him and said they will be ready by that time.

On the third day they appeared before the Dean.

The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test,

All four were required to sit in seperate classrooms for the test.

They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.

Q.1. Your Name........ ......... ........( 2 MARKS )

Q.2. Which tyre burst ?........... ....( 98 MARKS )

a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right .....!!!

Interesting facts about Nokia Mobile Phone!!!!!

Here are some facts of our beloved phone company "NOKIA"

1) The ringtone "Nokia tune" is actually based on a 19th century guitar work named "Gran Vals" by Spanish musician Francisco Tárrega. The Nokia Tune was originally named "Grande Valse" on Nokia phones but was changed to "Nokia Tune" around 1998 when it became so well known that people referred to it as the "Nokia Tune."

2) The world's first commercial GSM call was made in 1991 in Helsinki over a Nokia-supplied network, by Prime Minister of Finland Harri Holkeri, using a Nokia phone.

3) Nokia is currently the world's largest digital camera manufacturer, as the sales of its camera-equipped mobile phones have exceeded those of any conventional camera manufacturer.

4) The "Special" tone available to users of Nokia phones when receiving SMS (text messages) is actually Morse code for "SMS". Similarly, the "Ascending" SMS tone is Morse code for "Connecting People," Nokia's slogan. The "Standard" SMS tone is Morse code for "M" (Message).

5) The Nokia corporate font (typeface) is the AgfaMonotype Nokia Sans font, originally designed by Eric Spiekermann. Its mobile phone User's Guides Nokia mostly used the Agfa Rotis Sans font.

6) In Asia, the digit 4 never appears in any Nokia handset model number, because 4 is considered unlucky in many parts of Southeast/East Asia.

7) Nokia was listed as the 20th most admirable company worldwide in Fortune's list of 2006 (1st in network communications, 4th non-US company).

8. Unlike other modern day handsets, Nokia phones do not automatically start the call timer when the call is connected, but start it when the call is initiated. (Except for Series 60 based handsets like the Nokia 6600)

9) Nokia is sometimes called aikon (Nokia backwards) by non-Nokia mobile phone users and by mobile software developers, because "aikon" is used in various SDK software packages, including Nokia's own Symbian S60 SDK.

10) The name of the town of Nokia originated from the river which flowed through the town. The river itself, Nokianvirta, was named after the old Finnish word originally meaning sable, later pine marten. A species of this small, black-furred predatory animal was once found in the region, but it is now extinct.



Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."



Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."

Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"



Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."

Customer: "I typed 'A: SETUP'."

Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."

Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."

Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

Customer: "What?"

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer: "No..."



Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"

Tech Support: ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)



Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Tech support:



Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"

Customer: "A white one."

Tech support :



Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"

Customer: "Pentium."

Tech support:



Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."

Tech support :



Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."


Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"

Tech support:



Customer: "You've got to fix my computer.
I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech Support: "What does it say?"

Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

Tech support :



Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"



Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"

Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support: "Well?"

Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

Tech support:



Best of the Lot

A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: (keep quite)

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

Tech support:

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech support: (hush hush)

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech: Just add the line LOAD NO SMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS .
Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User: MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NO SMOKE.
Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.

Tech support: How did you come to that conclusion?

Tech support: (hush hush)

User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.



Customer care officer: I need product identification no: right now
and may I help u in finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

Drops of OIL and the Secret of Happiness.... Nice Story

A certain shopkeeper sent his son to learn about the secret of happiness from the wisest man in the world. The lad wandered through the desert for forty days, and finally came upon a beautiful castle, high atop a mountain. It was there that the wise man lived. Rather than finding a saintly man though, our young lad, on entering the main room of the castle, saw a hive of activity: tradesmen came and went, people were conversing in the corners, a small orchestra was playing soft music, and there was a table covered with platters of the most delicious food in that part of the world. The wise man listened attentively to the boy's explanation of why he had come, but told him that he didn't have just then to explain the secret of happiness.

He suggested that the boy look around the palace and return in two hours. "Meanwhile, I want to ask you to do something," said the wise man, handing the boy a teaspoon that held two drops of oil. "As you wander around, carry this spoon without allowing the oil to spill." The boy began climbing and descending the many stairways of the castle, keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. After two hours, he returned to the room where the wise man was.

"Well", said the wise man, "did you see the Persian tapestries that are hanging in the dining hall? Did you see the garden that took the master gardener 10 years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in my library?" The boy was embarrassed, and confessed that he had observed nothing. His only concern had been not to spill the oil that the wise man had entrusted to him..

"Then go back and observe the marvels of my world", said the wise man. Relieved, the boy picked up the spoon and returned to his exploration of the palace, this time observing all the works of art on the ceilings and the walls. He saw the gardens and the mountains all around him, the beauty of the flowers. Upon returning to the wise man, he related in detail everything he had seen.

"But where are the drops of oil I entrusted to you?", asked the wise man. Looking down at the spoon he held, the boy saw that the oil was gone. "Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you", said the wisest of wise men. "The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon.."

This story serves as just a little reminder that while we get all caught up in the frenzy of work and assignments, we mustn't forget about the "drops of oil", the things in life that really matter... friends, family, stuffed toys... and the ties that bind . . .

Don't Step on the DUCKS !!!

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

How to say "I love you" in 100 languages..??

English - I love you

Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief

Albanian - Te dua

Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)

Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)

Armenian - Yes kez sirumem

Bambara - M'bi fe

Bengali - Ami tomake bhalobashi (pronounced: Amee toe-ma-kee bhalo-bashee)

Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu

Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo

Bulgarian - Obicham te

Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah

Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a

Catalan - T'estimo

Cherokee - Tsi ge yu i

Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse

Chichewa - Ndimakukonda

Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)

Creol - Mi aime jou

Croatian - Volim te

Czech - Miluji te

Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig

Dutch - Ik hou van jou

Elvish - Amin mela lle (from The Lord of The Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien)

Esperanto - Mi amas vin

Estonian - Ma armastan sind

Ethiopian - Afgreki'

Faroese - Eg elski teg

Farsi - Doset daram

Filipino - Mahal kita

Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua

French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore

Frisian - Ik h�ld fan dy

Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort

Georgian - Mikvarhar

German - Ich liebe dich

Greek - S'agapo

Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo

Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw

Hawaiian - Aloha Au Ia`oe


Hebrew to male: "ani ohev otcha" (said by male) "Ohevet ot'cha" (said by female)

Hebrew to female: "ani ohev otach" (said by male) "ohevet Otach" (said by female)

Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw

Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae

Hmong - Kuv hlub koj

Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta

Hungarian - Szeretlek

Icelandic - Eg elska tig

Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw

Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu

Inuit - Negligevapse

Irish - Taim i' ngra leat

Italian - Ti amo

Japanese - Aishiteru or anata ga daisuki desu

Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene

Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka

Kiswahili - Nakupenda

Konkani - Tu magel moga cho

Korean - Sarang Heyo or Nanun tangshinul sarang hamnida

Latin - Te amo

Latvian - Es tevi miilu

Lebanese - Bahibak

Lithuanian - Tave myliu

Luxembourgeois - Ech hun dech g�er

Macedonian - Te Sakam

Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu

Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu

Maltese - Inhobbok

Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni

Marathi - Me tula prem karto

Mohawk - Kanbhik

Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik

Nahuatl - Ni mits neki

Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni

Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg

Pandacan - Syota na kita!!

Pangasinan - Inaru Taka

Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo

Persian - Doo-set daaram

Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay

Polish - Kocham Ciebie

Portuguese - Eu te amo

Romanian - Te iubesc Awexu

Russian - Ya tebya liubliu

Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort

Serbian - Volim te

Setswana - Ke a go rata

Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing'I Love You')

Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan

Sioux - Techihhila

Slovak - Lu`bim ta

Slovenian - Ljubim te

Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo

Swahili - Ninapenda wewe

Swedish - Jag alskar dig

Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di

Surinam - Mi lobi joe

Tagalog - Mahal kita

Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li

Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe

Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikuraen

Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu

Thai - Chan rak khun (to male)

Thai - Phom rak khun (to female)

Thai (informal) Rak te

Turkish - Seni Seviyorum

Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu

Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo

Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female)

Vietnamese - Em ye^u anh (to male)

Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu di

Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh

Yoruba - Mo ni fe

Diwali Puja Process: Step by step Diwali Pujan

Diwali is the festival of Lakshmi, the Goddess of prosperity and wealth. It is believed that Goddess Lakshmi visit everyone during Diwali and brings peace and prosperity to all. On the night of Diwali "Lakshmi-Pujan" is performed in the evenings. A traditional Pujan is performed after sunset in all the homes.

Five pieces of ghee diyas (lamps) are lit in front of the deities, naivedya of traditional sweets is offered to the Goddess and devotional songs are sung in praise of Goddess Laxmi. After Deepawali Puja people light diyas (lamps) in their homes to usher in light and clear the darkness from the world.

In villages cattle are adorned and worshipped by farmers as they form the main source of their income. In south, cows are offered special veneration as they are supposed to be the incarnation of Goddess Lakshmi and therefore they are adorned and worshipped on this day.

Step By Step Diwali Pujan:

* First clean the Puja room and then Bathe each Deity (Lakshmi & Ganesh) first with water, then with panchamitra/or rose water, followed by water once more

* Now put Deepak (Lamp) in front of the Deities - As the tiny diyas of clay are lighted to drive away the shadows of evil spirits

* Make a Panchamitra with 5 ingredients of milk, curd, ghee (clarified butter), sugar & Honey.

* Place Few mithais, snacks & fruits as a prashad.

* Make offerings of flowers, Abir (red colour), Sindoor (vermillion) and Haldi (turmeric). Light the Agarbatti (incense sticks) and lamps filled with Ghee.

* Now make offerings of Fruit, Sweet dishes (mithai), Salty snacks (Mathis, Ghathia, Namakpare) and offer Dakshina (token money), which could be given to the poor. In the end offer paan (betel leaves), cloves. Now pray to the deities to seek their blessings.

* Ganesh Pooja : Ganesh Puja is a must for Diwali Puja. (Lord Ganesha is to be worshipped in all pujas before any other God or Goddess.) (Ganesh Aarti is sung)

Lakshmi Pooja : Place Lotus and other flowers at her feet as an offering. A silver coin is placed in front of the Goddess during the puja. Now perform Aarti with flowers in hand (Lakshmi Aarti is sung). After Deepawali Pujan have the Prasad and go out to burst Diwali Crackers.

Tips for Better Email Communication

1. If you are sending a mail to multiple peoples or multiple e mail ID than try to put all email ID in BCC field, People you include in the “BCC” field will not visible to others. Coz no one wants to share there identity and email ID with others.

2. Don’t discuss multiple subjects in a single message. If you need to discuss more than one subject, send multiple e-mails. This makes it easy to scan subject lines later to find the message you need.

3. Keep you email message short and to the point. Make your most important point first, then provide detail if necessary. Make it clear at the beginning of the message why you are writing.

4. Always reply to emails especially the ones specifically addressed to you. Coz the sender is waiting for your reply and hear from you. So take some time and send a reply to the sender.

5. Don’t reply in anger. If your are busy with some work, than don,t replies your mail with anger. This will burn up relationships faster than just about anything you can do.

6. If you have to send some attachments via mail than zip them in a one file. And check it once again that you didn,t miss any file.

7. Don’t write in ALL CAPS. This is the digital equivalent of shouting. Besides ALL CAPS are harder to read (as anyone in advertising will tell you.)

8. If you’ve responded to something late–apologize. People generally know and appreciate that you’re busy and, especially with non-urgent or time sensitive things, they’ll be happy that you responded at all.

9. Use your spell-checker. Do not hit the Send button without doing a spell check, spelling mistakes or grammatical errors indicate that you have written the message in a non-serious mood.

World's richest man: Mukesh Ambani ( INDIA )

Mukesh Ambani is world's richest man

Billionaire Mukesh Ambani today became the richest person in the world, surpassing American software czar Bill Gates, Mexican business tycoon Carlos Slim Helu and famous investment guru Warren Buffett, courtesy the bull run in the stock market.

Following a strong share price rally on in his three group companies, India's most valued firm Reliance Industries, Reliance Petroleum and Reliance Industrial Infrastructure, the net worth of Mukesh Ambani rose to $63.2 billion (Rs 2,49,108 crore).

In comparison, the net worth of both Gates and Slim is estimated to be slightly lower at around $62.29 billion each, with Slim leading among the two by a narrow margin.

The five richest people in the world with their net worth

1. Mukesh Ambani ($63.2 billion)

2. Carlos Slim Helu ($62.2993 billion)

3. William (Bill) Gates ($62.29 billion)

4. Warren Buffett ($55.9 billion)

5. Lakshmi Mittal ($50.9 billion)

Warren Buffett, earlier the third richest in the world, also dropped one position with a net worth of about $56 billion.

Ambani's wealth of about Rs 2,49,000 crore includes about Rs 2,10,000 crore from RIL (50.98% stake), Rs 37,500 crore from RPL (37.5%) and Rs 2,100 crore from RIIL (46.23%).

Slim's wealth has been calculated on the basis of his stake in companies like America Movil (30%), Carso Global (82%), Grupo Carso (75%), Inbursa (67%), IDEAL (30%) and Saks Inc (10%).

According to information available with the US and Mexican stock exchanges where these companies are listed, Slim currently holds shares worth a total of $62.2993 billion, with more than half coming from Latin American mobile major America Movil. Slim is closely followed by Gates with a net worth of $62.29 billion currently.

Earlier last month, US business magazine Forbes had named Gates as the richest American with a net worth of $59 billion, calculated as on August 30. The magazine had said that a movement of $2 in the share price for Microsoft, the world's biggest software maker, could "add or subtract $1 billion" from his wealth.

Since August-end, Microsoft's share price has risen by $6.58 (based on yesterday's closing on Nasdaq at $35.03), which results into a gain of $3.29 billion in Gates' wealth based on Forbes assumption.

Besides a stake in Microsoft, Gates' wealth also includes the commission and license fees earned by him and gains through his shares in an investment holding company that invests across the market.

Gates is followed by Buffett at the fourth place in the league of the world's richest with a net worth of $55.9 billion through his holding in his investment vehicle Berkshire Hathaway and in other companies. At the end of August, Buffett's wealth stood at $52 billion, as per the Forbes magazine. Berkshire Hathaway's share price has gained by about 7.5% since then.

Earlier on September 26, Ambani had overtaken steel czar Lakshmi Mittal to become the richest Indian in the world.

Mittal currently ranks as the fifth richest in the world with a net worth of $50.9 billion through his 44.79% stake in world's biggest steel maker ArcelorMittal.

While most of Mittal's wealth comes from his steel empire, though he has also spread his wings into businesses like oil and real estate, those of Ambani and Gates are mostly through petrochemicals and software respectively. However, Buffett and Slim are making money from investments across a host of sectors.

Mukesh Ambani is the richest man in the World!! Lakshmi Mittal being at 5th position. Two Indians being at top 5!!