Boss Kidnapped !!!!!! What 2 do???

Something to make you smile

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are inloud discussions during office time.....Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happenedto a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?""Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going todouse him with petrol and set him on fire.We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"About 1 litre."

How to eat Noodle ? New way to eat Noodle. Funny

Here is the new way to eat "Noodles" :)

Cool Tounge Twisters.... ( Have a Try, Hope you will enjoy)

1. If you understand, say "understand". If you don't understand, say "don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand".How do I understand that you understand? Understand!

2. I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.

3. Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.

4. A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.

5. Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People

6. If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?

7. I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.

8. Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?"

9. Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to MrOutside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside. MrOutside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.

10. SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES

11. The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.

12. If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?

"When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"

13. We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.

14. Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.

15. A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly"Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue

16. If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.

17. Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw

MORE NUDITY ? INNOCENT QUESTION.

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.

When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

KETCHUP: Innocent Questions

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

OPINIONS: Innocent Questions

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.

The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

Innocent Questions On NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.

She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

BLONDE PILOT KOOL JOKE, FUN TIME, REALLY FUNNY

A blond is on board a small two- seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies.

Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio.

"Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!" she screams.

Ground control receives her call for help and answers back:

"Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say.

First, I need you to give me your height and position."

"I'm 5 foot 2 and sitting in the front seat!"

Bush in Iraq Picture of the year 2008

Why men are never depressed

Men Are Just Happier People--
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky..
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is £4.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

CHINESE TO USA

5 Chinese, Chu, Bu, Hu, Fu and Su decided to immigrate to the US .

In order to get a visa, they had to adapt their names to American standards.

Chu became Chuck

Bu became Buck

Hu became Huck

*****
Fu and Su decided to stay in China.

School Days Really Funny

Teacher:"What is your name?".

Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."

Teacher:"When I ask a question in English, answer it in english."

Student:"My name is Sunlight.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----------
Teacher: What happened in 1869?

Student:Gandhi ji was born.

Teacher :What happened in 1873?

Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----------
Question:What is the fullform of maths.

Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------------
Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?

Student : BROTHERLY LOVE
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------------
Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.

Student:A holiday
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------------
Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it.

Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.

Teacher :Why?

Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------------
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? "

Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
------------ --------- --------- -------
Teacher: How old is ur father.

Sunny:As old as I am. Teacher:How is it possible?

Sunny:He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)
------------ --------- --------- -------

Sreesanth in Dubai

Sreesanth in Dubai......Dont miss

The Indian hell...........

A man dies and goes to hell.

There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"

He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.

Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.

Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.

He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.

He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.

Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"

He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.

Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.

Then the Indian devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day.

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,

someone has stolen all the nails from the bed

and

the devil is a former Govt servant,

so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen!!!!! !

Do you get too many call centre calls

How often do you get a call and hear a lilting voice say, Hi! I am Pooja calling from XYZ bank. Sir, we are offering free platinum credit card to our customers. Are you interested? (uttered in a single breath) And you think, Oh no, not again! You politely (or rudely) reply, Sorry, I am not interested. And the conversation ends there. But imagine a reply that frustrates the caller with your witty response. I have some cool ideas for making these unsolicited calls a pleasant experience.

First caller:
Girl: Hello Sir, this is Pooja calling from Country Club.
Me: Hi Pooja!
Girl: Sir, we are offering life time Country Club membership for Rs.1.5 lakh only!
Me: Wow, what an offer! Only 1.5 lakh! How come so cheap?
Girl: Sir, I am not joking (with a chuckle).
Me: Neither me. You know, one of my friends already has Club Mahindra membership at Rs.1.5 lakh per year. Do you have any concession on group booking? I think we have around 8 people in my team.
Girl: Sir, along with this, you will get 2 air tickets to Goa absolutely free!
Me: Free? I mean after becoming a member, isn't it?
Girl: We are also offering 8/6 site in Tumkur.
Me: What should I do with that site?
Girl: You know Sir, if you have more people in your group, you can have a farm house there.
Me: where we can enjoy our retired life (continuing from where she left)
Girl: I am not joking, Sir!
Me: Who said that you are joking? Seriously Madam, I am serious. (can't control my loud laughter this time)
Girl: Ok Sir, I think you are not interested.
And she hangs up.


Second caller:
Girl: Hi Sir, this is Pooja calling from ICICI Bank.
Me: Oh, Pooja, nice to hear your voice!
Girl: (amused by reaction) Sir, we are offering home loans for 12% interest.
Me: Oh, is that so? It's good, but I have an offer from another bank which is giving home loan for only 2% interest!
Girl: Only 2% interest?
Me: Yeah, it's only 2%, seriously.
Girl: Which bank, Sir? I do not think any bank is offering at this interest rate.
Me: (lowering my voice) I can't tell you, you know it's a private bank!
Girl: No Sir, it's not possible. If that's the case, then, I'm also interested.
Me: If you want to know the name of the bank, give your mobile number or e-mail ID as I cannot disclose this information over phone. I am bound not to disclose the details.
Girl: Okay.
She disconnects the call.


Third caller:
Girl: Hello Sir, I am Pooja calling from
Me: (interrupting her) Hang on for a moment ... (taking my time) ...Okay let's play Kaun Banega Crorepati* with... sorry, I forgot your name?
Girl: Sorry
Me: What's your name, Madam? Am I speaking in an alien language?
Girl: Pooja
Me: Audience, we have Pooja on our hot seat. Let's play Kaun Banega Crorepati with Pooja. (of course, mimicking Big B's accent)
Here is the first question to Pooja for 1,000 rupees on your computer screen. (adding standard KBC music)
Which bank you are calling from? a) ICICI (b) HDFC (c) Deutsche (d) Others
Girl: Funny (light laugh)...Okay, I am calling from HDFC.
Me: Computer, please lock (b) HDFC And yes (b) HDFC is the right answer. You have won 1,000 rupees!
Girl: Sir, are you interested in ... (again interruption by me)
Me: (my own voice) Aren't you enjoying it? I think YES (switching back to Big B voice again) Ready for another question? And here goes the second question for 2,000 rupees on your computer screen. What is the reason behind your call to me?
(a) Credit/debit card (b) Home loan/personal loan (c) Mutual fund (d) Others
Girl: Okay, it's enough. Are you interested in free Gold Credit Card offered by us?
Me: Oh no, wrong answer. Sorry Poojaji, I already have credit card from ICICI. I have been telling the participants that whenever you have doubt in mind, go for the life lines. And you have not used any of your life lines. What a pity!
She hangs up. (as expected)